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Tears across border…

Dedicated to The memory of the girl whom I loved, but she never did. Apni yaadon ki kitaboon main tujhe chupa liya, Inn suskh nighahoo main bhi tere naa hone ka matlab paa liya…

Acknowledgements My sincere thanks to the following people, for supporting me throughout the writing phase of this book. Saurav sharan, my brother for reviewing this book for the first time. Jayant srivastava for helping me to edit this book, and being sincere to answer my calls in mid night also. He always keeps my spirits up and showing me the better ways to bring this book up. Mr. Haro Shankar sir, for knocking me through every step of my book. And last but not the least, my parents, Smt. Nutan sinha(my mother) and sri Navin kr. Sinha(my father) for supporting with my work.

Tears across border…
              A journey for love…. 

Before you begin this book, let me tell you that this book doesn’t deal with the situation on borders; neither it deals with the life of soldiers or their families. Sometimes some situations make you judge your potential of being human. You will spring back to life as the secrets of humanity will be unraveled gradually in my novel. In a nut shell I have a humanistic approach. We, human have a tendency that at a certain level of stress, instead of screaming and shouting, try to adjust with the situation. I had seen many ups and down in my life as well as physical pain but I had never seen so much blood on my hands. My hands were dipped in blood, I was losing consciousness but I tried to look at the surrounding from the corner of my eyes. I could see Nicks was on the other stretcher with his white shirt smeared in blood. He was silent, how could he be silent? I have never imagined that he would be silent for a moment…..

I was feeling pain on my shoulder, and on my thigh. I tried hard to collect my memories and remember what happened to me? I couldn’t make it. Sometimes things happen so sudden that we don’t get time to analyze it, it flashes in front of our eyes. The only thing I remember was the rifle and the bullets. The pain seems to increase with every passing second. It seemed as something bursts on my shoulder and on my thigh and made a hole worming to shreds of my flesh. Sam held my hand and asked me to stay awake. He was crying.6 feet 2 inches man with a perfect physique was crying. I can sense something was wrong. I began to lose my conscious again. It was morning hour and usually the roads were full of traffic. But that day was different.

The road was empty, I was in the ambulance. Nick and I both were shot at. I was shot on shoulder and on thigh but Nicks was shot at his chest. I was in trouble and in lot of pain, which was easily seen on my face. Nicks was also in lot of pain. His eyes were closed. His face doesn’t have any expression of pain. He was unconscious. Sam’s eye reflects the pain, the depth of his care for us. Within few minutes the pain on my shoulder grew up to such extent, that it was hard for me to keep my eyes open. The pain was unbearable…….

I am Aansh, this is my story and this is neither the beginning nor the end of the story….. Bakwaas

3rd September

It’s amazing feeling when you step in for the first time in your dreams. Engineering was my dream. I was grown up with an ambition to become a engineer. I had spent several nights for the preparation of the entrance exams. No, I am not in I.I.T. ,but in M.N.I.T. Jaipur. As I put in my first step inside the main gate my heart began to pump fast because of excitement. The campus has a lush green environment. The main gate was located in the center of the face of the campus.

A road connects the main gate to the building blocks in the campus. Both sides of the road were covered by tall trees. They formed a loop and it seemed that they would meet some meters ahead. Birds were returning to their nests made on trees. Their ciphering and twittering of swallows lightened my heart and from nervousness to a felling of peace and happiness. A sense of longiness, a felling of being invited back home. This is the welcome I hoped for. Nature was with me. On the left side of the road there was a pond, I can point out a peacock wondering on its side. The sunrays of the sunset made everything glitter. Everything inside the campus, filled with energy, I thought they were welcoming me but alas… the world seemed to change when I took my first step into the campus. My chest expanded from 40 to 44 inches. I followed the road and went to the hostel as I have an idea of the college plan. Thanks to all new gadgets and Google world, which gives the idea of the place you want to know. Software is the greatest innovation of man; sometimes it gives you the perfect material. But that is not I intended to write here. I was in front of my hostel,”Rameshwar boy’s hostel”. It was 7 o’clock in the evening and the lamps were on. Before I put my first step on stair.. “First year” a voice echoed my ears. I turned back to see from where this terrific sound came from, before I took the turn, another voice another voice struck my eardrum- “choore tu kee bol nhi sakta kee”(can’t you speak)

The tone was somewhat the mixture of Hindi and Haryanvi, I guessed.

“yes, yes sir” I said.

“Are choore kadde jaa raha hai”, another voice splashes on my ear. I saw four guys with pajamas and banyan standing with a lighted cigarette in their hands. One of them was merely five feet but the rest of them were giants. Five feet boy wore spects of the frame that must be used by his grandfather or grandmother. “In my room”, I said without making an eye contact with any of them. I had heard “before your fresher’s parties never see straight in the eyes of your seniors” Among the four guys, one of them, not the five feet boy, came close to me, held my cheeks with both his palm and made my face up to look straight in his eyes and said, “Dekh choore yahn ka kuch niyam hai, notice board pr hai, raatta maar le” His name was Aarju. “Yes sir” I said and tried to struggle to keep my face free from him. He then left me and all of them went into their room. I went into my room. It was 425. The room was two seater. Big windows on the front wall, making it perfect design for the cross ventilation. Two almirah fixed on the side walls. Two beds separated with a centre table. My room partner was”samarjit verma”. He was on his bed, when I entered, he just moved his hand and said “nice to see u”. “M Aansh”, I said and we both shook our hands, That was my first day in college, not day, it was my first night in the college. From the very first moment I entered the campus I began to enjoy my life.

“BENDING MOMENT “followed by three dots.

This was the first thing and the first lesson in engineering. The professor, who took this class, was young. He was in formal with shiny black shoes. We named him “Chamku”. Sam and I choose the last bench as we decided to enjoy our first day class. As the lecture progressed we were lost in our day dreams. The whole class was listening to him and was busy in copying the bigger and bolder letters written on board. A boy sitting in front of us was busy in reading some sort of book perhaps it was encyclopedia. His face was lean. His hair was short. He looked at me. I smiled. he smiled back. Suddenly, Chamku shot at me with a piece of chalk and said- “U tell me the meaning of cantilever”, word that was written in block on white board. When one is not involved in the matter and someone asks about it in front of group of unknown people, the situation become uncomfortable, awkward and demoralizing. I just stood up, and tried to create a base with my hands moving in the air and started creating meaningful sentences with the words written on board. When you don’t have any idea about the topic and you are caught unaware by the teacher and asked to explain what is being taught in the class. The situation becomes grime and the only way out is to take hints from surrounding and to speak with confidence whatever comes to mind.

The whole class listens to your speech, and you will certainly hit your goal. I answered the question asked by Chamku, and with no grievances my answer was wrong. He shouted “BAKWAAS” The whole class stood silent. He again taught us the meaning of cantilever. Somehow the period was over….

By this time, I was famous in my class as “Bakwaas”. I don’t think this is the bad way to start the first lecture of your engineering carrier.. Everyone called me by my nick name”Bakwaas” instead of Aansh. I am optimistic, and I always believe that everything happens for a reason. If the situation is not in your favour, it means God wants you to be brave and fight for your reason upto your caliber. From the very first lecture, my class mates throw unfriendly comments regarding my name as “bakwaas”, but I always take it as compliment. The reason for this was quite simple. I want to be famous in my batch not as a bad element but as a good element. So, I didn’t respond badly to any of my fellow. Good work never goes in vein. The whole class turned friendly. I had heard from seniors that, “Engineering Sucks” but they didn’t tell me that if you have group of friends “You can suck Engineering” Drama

We (Sam and I) came out of the lecture for refreshment in break. We came to canteen. We were walking towards canteen then someone tapped my shoulder and said, ”chal idhar aa” They were my seniors who met me first night. The five fetter asked both of us by names and introduced himself as “Aarju”. The rest three of them were Govind, Rajat and Nasa. They asked Sam and me to see them at 8 pm sharp in their room. They left us there and went back to their classes. We entered canteen and ordered samosa and chai, as it was most common there. At 7: 30 pm sharp someone knocked at my door. It was Nasa, he ordered us to follow him. He then took us to basement were all the fresher were present with their shirts off. He asked me to took off my shirt. Most boys who took their shirt off were lean and thin, as if they were not given 2 cups of bournvita by their mother when they were child. I decided not to undress my shirt. So I was standing still. “Take off your shirt, you rascal” nasa shouted at me. His voice thrilled me; I didn’t stand on my own decision. “Will you do it now?” he shouted again. I was filled with fear. The fear was about lost thought in diversion. I didn’t want to feel myself free from above all rules. I am in the system and I want to feel the boundaries of the system. I took off my shirt. Nasa shouted the same to Sam. Sam didn’t respond to him. “Are you insane?” he said. “Why don’t you do it?” “Shut up, I won’t do that” Sam answered him. “You have to do that.” Nasa said in a firm voice.

“Bakwaas band kr ...nhi toh yahin senior aur junior nikal dunga” he shouted much louder than him and pushed him hard. Nasa fell over the chair. Within no seconds Sam was surrounded by 10 seniors they were all asking him to calm down. “Here goes the arrow straight into the bull’s eye” I thought to myself. Sam became the most renowned face. He was given special treatment by the seniors. He was not bound to wear formals. And the best thing lies in the fact that I am his room partner which makes me enjoy the same treatment. From the next day onwards, we were in t-shirts, jeans and in sports shoes. It feels different when you are choosen among 600 peoples and allowed free to wear anything, roam about everywhere.

Present Day “Hey champ, morning” Sam said. I was on bed with bandage at my shoulder and left thigh. My foot was tied with a rope and was locked with o hook in the bed and was kept on inclined plane. He handed me a bunch of flowers. All sorts of colorful flowers were visible in it. I just twinkled my eyes and gave him a smile. He smiled too. The room was clean and many types of equipment were laid by the side of my bed. My shoulder was still paining but I was not feeling the pain of my leg. A nurse stood besides my bed. She was busy in making some notes. She looked at me for a while and again was busy filling some chart. “Feeling better” he asked. “Hmm...” .”Nick…” I inquired, I couldn’t complete my sentence. The pain rolled down from my shoulder to my mouth. “He would be fine soon” he said I stretched my eyebrow to know more about him clearly. He said” He was terrible man, that was the terrorist attack, they attacked Srilankan team, rounds of fire, 6 players were injured. You were hit on shoulder and thigh, Nicks was hit at his chest, He is critical, He is on life supporting system…” Then he burst into tears.. Drops of tears also rolled down my eyes…

16 months back It was foggy day, the visible range was mearly 50 feet. By this time I had lots of friends. but only three of them were close to me, they were Nikhil,Samarjit and Bhaibhav. We had also got our unofficial name that was Nicks for Nikhil Sam for Samajit Baccha for Bhaibhav and Aaann for Aansh. “let’s go to other place and enjoy this romantic climate” I said “But where are we going” baccha inquired. “Nahargarh, I had heard about the place, it’s the place where Rang De Basanti was shot” Nicks told enthusiastically. “Let’s go to Nasa and ask for his bike” Sam suggested We all four rode on the bike. I must say if the bike was less than 180cc it would have beencollapsed. We were on Pulsar 180. It was a brand new one so the bike could carry our load easily. We were heading towards Nahargarh, Sam spotted a wine shop and we took a dozen of beer and a packet of Gold flake. We reached Nahargarh. It was lonely and no one was seen there. We decided to go to the highest point. The rock was steep but we were in the mood to reach the top and enjoy the party there. I was having the same feeling that Tanjing Norway had when he was climbing on the Everest. Cool breezes and small drops of dew made our clothes wet.

We reached the top. The world seems to shrink to our feet. It was a panoramic view with splendid natural beauty. Houses were looking small. There were hundreds of houses. It looked like watching an animated scene of any Hollywood movie. The cool breeze and small dew drops made the atmosphere pleasant. One can feel the calmness. One can hear the sound of air, one can hear the humming of birds. Only we boys broke the silence. We shouted, we played, we drank, we sang and no one was there to stop us. Nahargarh was the place where King used to spend time for his entertainment. There was a water body situated at the base of the palace, it is covered by stairs from three sides and a straight, steep wall stood on one side. The wall was nearly 60 feet high. We jumped into the water body. It was risky but did anything matter when we were drunk. No, no way, nothing matter. Nicks used the new pulsar to show some stunts, he lifted the front wheel while riding. Then he lifted the rear wheel. When one is not professional such stunts just for fun, might be disastrous. Nicks had done a lot of practice while at home he told me earlier. Throughout the day we enjoyed well. We took a nap for sometime to get energize again. When alcohol and fun mixes together one never knows how much sleep it covers. We slept for two hours. I woke up, it was getting dark. I had severe hangover. We didn’t have any medicine. Sam suggested taking bath, I didn’t go for it. We decided to climb on trees to see the sunset. When I was half way, I saw two girls 70 feet away from us. They were sitting close to themselves pointing their back towards us. I climbed down and told them that I will join them soon. I went towards the girl. They heard my footsteps and stood up facing towards me. One of them hid herself behind the other. They were in salwar suit, the girl in front was having fair complexion. Her hair was straight covering the side locks of her face. She kept the pallu over her head. The girl behind her was in white suit with blue flowers on it. She kept her face down, so I couldn’t see it, but her hairs was long enough. “What are you doing here” the girl in the front asked. This was unpredictable. I was supposed to ask, same question first but she did.. “We came here to roam about, isn’t the weather here is calm” I pretended to be friendly. “Then go and roam anywhere else” she said with some anger in her voice. “It’s ok. M leaving” I said When I was about to leave wind blew from the sideways, and the girl behind this lady Hitler came in front.

She was very beautiful. We, boys always suffer with the mentality that whenever we see any one, apart from senior citizen, tries to collect information of the same by gazing at them in a glance. Sometimes some faces struck the cord of your heart and makes you feel happy and fresh. Her hair was long enough to reach her waist. God has created each and every part of her body with extra time limit. Her hair was tightly combed at her forehead and was open at the end. Her chicks were white and shinning, although there was not any sun rays but I have to admit that was shinning. Her lips were bigger than the normal. Looking at her seems enjoying the first rain during a hot sunny day of the new season. She had Sharp nose and big eyes. Her eyes had a hypnotizing effect; one could not resist himself looking at her when she was there. Brownish with a touch of green, yes, that was her eyeball colour. Her eye liner was stretched out and made her the perfect example how to use same. Some hairs fall over her face and she kept them away to her ears. She was wearing a white suit, which reaches her knee. She was wearing a wooden sandal. Beauty increases with simplicity. I had her example to justify the statement. She looked at me. She had tears in her eyes, yes she had tears…

She was crying… “Something wrong” I asked her, she looked at me for a while and shook her head to say no. “That’s none of your business, now leave or I will call the cops” Hitler said. I couldn’t understand why the girls reacted so indifferently. They are always full of fear. When someone tries to extend hands they stay aback. Why were they scared of us (male). The country is dominated by lady President, Chief Minister Shila Dixit runs Delhi. They are in power always. But why are they scared?? “Take care” I said and returned back. Next day, after my class we all (four) went to canteen. Before, I enter the canteen; I got call from my mom. Just then a fly struck my eye. I told them to wait for me in canteen. “hi mom “I said, walking towards her with one of my hand on my eye. The call ended in next two minute, by then I was in the back side of canteen. I saw a water tap. I went there to splash water in my eyes. But there was no water. My eyes were paining. I sat there. I was restless. Someone tapped my shoulder and offered me the bottle to splash water on my eyes. I thanked, and used the full bottle. When I turned back to return the bottle, she was there. She was the same girl who met me yesterday with a drop in her eyes. Today the drop was in my eyes. And thank god Hitler was not there. “hey, thanks” I said “you are welcome” “I am Aansh, Aansh srivastava, B.Tech 1st year, Automobile engineering” I said and stretched my hands for shake. She also moved her hands forward and joined mine and said “Palak Dutta 1st year I.T.” “Wow, we were both in this college but met somewhere else for the first time. I mean, I didn’t expect you here” I said. Her hands were so soft that one could easily get carried off by the touch. I don’t want to leave her hand but I have to... “Hmm…” she said “M sorry, I was in no mood to disturb you yesterday” “It’s okay….we were just sitting over there “she said “You were crying yesterday, it was some personal reason I guessed, but beautiful girls should never cry” “See you again” she waved her hand and left. I returned to the canteen but didn’t say anyone about the incident. Nation’s Meet Next day- I searched her all over her branch. She was there with her friend “Hitler”. I waved my hand; she waved me back and asked me to wait. She came with her friend. By this time she introduced her friend as “Vaishnavi”. I offered coffee to both. But I wanted only Palak should follow. You never thought of consequences that might have happened when you offer coffee to beautiful girl, and her friend, in your canteen. All eyes struck on 1and ½ couple. It means Palak and Me as one couple and Vaish (nickname for Vaishnavi) as half. But this feeling stood alone with me. I guessed. As we were in the canteen, I could hear whispering all around. I looked around and saw Sam. I signaled him about the matter. He messaged me that he would tell me later. When I turned to Palak, I was surprised. She was sitting in front of me, smiling at me but had tears, again in her eyes. Her eyes were wet. She was looking as a doll, a doll which had taken away my heart. Her eyes were full of tears ready to roll down the rosy cheeks. I took her hand and asked her- “What was the matter?” She didn’t reply anything, stood up and walked towards the gate. Vaish and I followed her, but this time she broke down and took her handkerchief to hide her tears… She went straight to the back of the canteen where she met me the day before. Our canteen is like a perfect example of engineering design. Front portion is about 30 feet wide with a design of semi circular. The full front of the canteen is covered by glass with large doors. When all the doors are open one can feel that he is sitting in front of 70mm screen with a perfect view of trees, shrubs and grass. The back side of canteen has nothing special. There were trees with colorful flowers and trees with thorns. One of the trees had its trunk lay parallel to ground making it fit for five people to sit side by side. No one comes here because there is some water logging in the way. I made my ways through bushes. I named it as “Planet Mars”. That’s the code word. She went straight over there and sat, wiping off the tears. Vaish and I sat beside her. I was eager to know what happened to her, the girl who was talking to me and smiling a few minutes ago was in tears. This was second time, I saw her weeping. I asked “what happened” She didn’t answer. She wiped off her tears and looked into my eyes. Eyes can say everything, but it needs someone to read it. Her eyes were red. She was hiding something deep in her heart, which made her so sad. What was that? “Can’t you share your grief with your friend, you may feel relaxed” I said. “I am Pakistani, I am from Pakistan” she said. “I don’t understand” I said. I looked at Vaish and she nodded. “I came here to study, but this country will never accept me, I am not spy, I just came here to fulfill my dreams. But the people, each pair of eyes ask me something, warns me. I am broken listening the comments of our batch mates, teachers. The person who does not know me praises my beauty, wants to talk to me but the person who knows, stares at me. I am scared of even small kids. I can’t handle it. Daily I used to promise myself that I won’t cry. I will face everything. M not weak but I can’t help myself”. She broke down to tears again, and this time she hid her face with her palms. “This is life” I said “do you know why God choose only you to come across the nation and study and fulfill your dreams” I was trying to uplift her mood. “No” “He wants you to learn everything, handle every situation, put out your best when you are in worst condition. He is not testing you, He has faith in you and he wants that you should also faith him” I finished When you give long lectures with touch of fact and some lines from Ramdev baba’s pravachan it always works. Baba you are great but I am also great because I can use your lines in my style and give them a perfect touch- I said to myself. She smiled. Yes, I can make a crying girl smile. I wanted her to tap on my shoulder. But can’t. “ so you are living in hostel” I inquired. “no my aunt lives here, I am living with her” she said “I will bring some kurkure, I am hungry” Vaish said and went towards canteen. “so you came right away from Pakistan to this college” I asked “No my native place is Bangladesh before division. After 1971 war our family shifted to Lahore, but we have many relatives in India also” she said. “Wow, it means I am talking to a foreigner, welcome maam welcome to India” I bowed down keeping my hands on heart and presented her the perfect welcoming statue. This time she giggled, Vaish came back with chips. We chatted for two short hours. Time travelled faster when I was with her. I had a feeling. A very soft feeling. A better feeling. It seemed I was in LOVE… Love Lane We were meeting almost every day. When her class was over she used to come near my department and waited for me there. It was delighting when one of the most beautiful girl waits for you. Yes, she was the most beautiful for me, for every reason. Meanwhile, I told my best friend(s) about her. I didn’t tell them that I love her as I was also not sure for the fact. But somehow my friends guessed and gave a special name my girlfriend. I was in my room with black lower and white banyan making notes for my assignment. Someone said “when an engineer dies and is in his grave, go and watch him quietly, he must be smoking, drinking or busy in preparing notes”. Baccha was also in my room wearing only Bermuda, suddenly he said “abe saale kya tu palak se pyar krta hai” I was surprised, I got some unusual thoughts, a) Is he making assignment on this topic? b) Why is he interested? c) Was it reflected on my face? “sayad”, I said. “Do you have her cell no. have you told her?” “no, she didn’t have the cell, it is strictly banned for her, and I haven’t told her anything. Now will you please allow me to finish my assignment” I said. I didn’t like that anyone should tease me for being with her. Baccha was just inquiring, I know, but time ahead if he teases me then? “Cigarette jala na” I said to him and threw a pack on him. “But where is the lighter?. I think its empty” he said Just then Sam walked in with a lighted cigarette under his lips. Baccha lighted up the cigarette using Sam’s cigarette. Nicks walked in and said to me,” baba aaj aapko Chamku ne dekh liya apni girlfriend ke sath, g##r bcha kar rakhna, maar lega” (Chamku saw Palak and me together.) “this idiot doesn’t have her no also“ baccha pointed at me. “ she doesn’t have the cell yaar.” I said to safeguard myself. “Toh de na, soch kya raha hai” nicks said. “If something goes wrong then?” I said. “Ok, then do one thing just stay away from her, don’t talk to your girl, don’t roam with her, can you” Sam said. Sam never calls Palak by her name. he called her “your girl” or “Aaann’s girl” “no, I can’t” I said with tears in my eyes. “Then go for it and if something goes wrong then sab manage hai” nicks told me. “Par pahle propose toh kar”sam said and threw a pillow on me. “main nhi toh tera baap krega” I said.(if not me then will your father will do it). And threw the pillow back on him. And then there was party all along. Cotton were out of pillows, books were thrown here and there, water was all over my assignment and we four sat over the bed with a lighted cigarette in each hands. We the four future engineers were having our best time… “Somebody wants you, somebody needs you, somebody dreams about you every single night. Somebody is me…” Enrique Iglesias. This song came out of my thought the moment I fell on the bed. I planned for tomorrow’s battle where I have to win her heart. But by now I could not resist myself to go on in my dreams with her. Love Ka Operation “this is what you called an assignment” chunku shouted when he saw my assignment, and threw it on floor. Sitting on a luxury chair and giving away speeches can be handled, but showing up an abnormal behavior, somewhere (in the heart) is not acceptable. But you can’t do anything when the fault is yours. The pages came out as they were not pinched up properly in the file. Three different types of pages can easily be visible. One type narrated the water incident, next five pages were fresh and in my writing but the next ten pages were of different writing and was written in different ink. This is the way to complete assignment for engineering students. The assignments are usually lengthy and we have discovered an idea which can reduce our effort. We generally used to mix the last pages of the assignment from other file in spite of writing just to make the file look healthier. “what was that?” chumku pointed at my file as he noticed the change. “nothing,nothing sir” I said, trying to pack the pages in my file as quickly as I can. “show me, rascal”, he shouted. “I will show you tomorrow and this time it would be neat and clean” I said avoiding to handing over the file to him. “get lost, you looser”, he shouted again. “thank you sir”, I said. I didn’t noticed how it came out of my mouth. Perhaps some inner voice popped out. “what did you say”, he shouted again in anger. Without any eye contact I hurriedly moved out of my class. Sam asked me “what’s the matter?”. I told him everything and we both laughed, a little harder. Then he gave me a note and told ” yaad kr le aise hi bolna”. (memorise it, and say the same) The note was as “you are the most generous person, I ever dreamed of. Your smile brings me smile, your tears brings me tears. You seem to roam around me everytime. Every face reflects your eyes. I have never been so impatience in my life. Your voice gives me immense peace. I love you and in presence of this air, water and sky I want to propose you for being my life partner. I dosn’t care about the world and what people say as long as you make me feel that you are my world not they. Without you I am alone. The world scares me. Take me with you, I want you.” “thanks buddy” I said and went to meet palak. “so where are we going” Palak said. “some special place for some special reason” I said, and held her hand. “look I have to say you something” she said,”but lets move on to some special place first” We came out of the campus and took a left turn. After five minutes’ walk we reached by the side of a waterfall. It was barely six feet. The water was clear, and a tree was kept in such a way that it joins the two ends of stream. I called it “zannat”. There was greenery everywhere. As it was side to the campus very few people could notice it. I remembered that the first time I came here was during my ragging phases to escape from the seniors. We sat on a tree dipping our feet in stream. She hold my hand hard. I don’t have the courage to say her directly; my heart began to pump faster. But I knew that this would be the best chance of my life to express my love to her. I gathered all my strength, took a deep breath. I was doing exactly the same thing as one would do while sitting in examination hall. I started,” I want to say something” The place gives us the feel of romance. The sun was covered by clouds; the foot was in cold stream. Some drops were falling over us. it was perfect place and the situation where Sharukh would propose her girl friend. The beautiful place has a lot of shrubs grown at both ends of the stream. Beautiful flowers of different shades, with butterfly wondering over the flowers gave a delightful view. The whole atmosphere seemed to glow by the presence of us. “No let me finish first” she said. She looked straight in my eyes. My image was formed in her eye balls, I can see that. Yes, it was me and then her hair fall over her face. I kept them away to her ears. She was looking stunning.” My god, I will love to sit for my whole life with her, here” I thought. “I love you” she said and a drop of tear fell from her eye. I was astonished. Anyone would be. For the first few seconds I thought that it was my echo which came out of my mind, but soon I found that it was different, because I believe that the sound which my ears gathered was not from the male vocal chord. If one wants to propose someone and doesn’t know the fate and is in dilemma whether the answer would be yes or no. and suddenly finds an unexpected response, it is delightful. I was astounded. I looked at her with my mouth and my eyes wide open. Before I could say anything, she jumped into the shallow stream. The level of the water was hardly up to her knees. She picked a flower from the nearby plant, knelt down in stream offering the same to me with folded hands and said, ” will you please accept me as my life partner”. I was speech less; I couldn’t speak a word although I tried to. I just nodded my head to say yes, yes and yes. Tears roll down from my eyes. We came closer and hugged each other hard. I could feel the smell of her skin. She looked at me with a smile. I have never seen any girl so close to me. Sensation of standing close to the most beautiful girl leads to pump your blood faster than the normal rate. Her eyes were so bright, her chicks were so soft, and her lips were so beautiful. I ran down my fingers on her face slowly to feel the most beautiful thing. She smiled again. We kissed, kissed again… The Cellular Dhamaka “Finally you proposed or she proposed?” nicks asked me for the third time. “She proposed me, I can’t believe. Its real man” “Everything happens for a reason”, sam said lifting his hand, making a perfect “tha-astu” pose. “Give her the cell yaar, whats the big deal” baccha launched into conversation. “She is not ready to take it. Her aunt is very strict and strict orders have been given to her from palak’s parents not to give her any liberty” I said. “then why you pose to be in love with her? And why she is involved in this?” sam said. “we don’t know how it has happened. You know we don’t choose person for love, it can happens slowly and unknowingly. It is spontaneous” “ the proper way of expression of your feeling at proper time matters most. Express your feelings to her politely. I feel if she is serious she would accept your proposal. If she is hesitant, let me talk to her” sam said. “I will try and please let me do it in my own way” I replied. Next day I bunked my classes and asked her to do the same. We went for the movie DHOOM 2 in Raj mandir. “if I feel safe I will talk to you else the cell would be off”she said. It took me five hours to convince her. I presented her a Reliance cdma set as it has the lowest tariff. After lunch I dropped her near her home. Actually I dropped her three blocks back. She lived near Ajmeri gate. I decided to follow her keeping a bit safe distance so that no one could guess that we were together. Her house was just by the side of the road, single floor building with black glass on her front and the huge Iron Gate was in front. She looked at me before entering her house and smiled. I didn’t react. She went in. “Love you babu sona”, this was the first massage that was dropped by her in my inbox. “hey baby are you fine?” I replied. “yes, I am fine, but I am little upset, you didn’t tell me that you love me” “I was worried, you know it very well. I love you too sona” I massaged back. She usually prefer to talk through massages because of the fear called”Auntophobia” or “fear of aunt” She gave me a miss call around 9. I called back. “good night sona, I will see you tomorrow. Now its your turn to say. Say quickly, aunty is here, and I have to turn it off naa” she said. “good night babu, love you, and love me and the most important thing keep smiling it suits only on you” I said. She disconnected the call and turned off her cell. I went on in my dreams. Around four o’clock in the morning, I woke up. I was perspiring. The room was dark; somehow I managed to reach washbasin and splashed water on my face. I had a horrible nightmare. I was shivering with unknown fear. Although I can’t remember the exact dream, but some parts laid with me when I woke up. I didn’t want to sleep, I didn’t want to see such night mares again but I have to do this. I have to submit my assignment. I went to bed and tried to remember the beautiful moments of my life. I was asleep again. “you didn’t attend your class yesterday and where is your assignment?”Chamku said pointing up his left eyebrow. “sir I was not feeling well, and here is the assignment” I said taking out the file from my bag. He looked over the file, turned to its index, read the names of experiment and scrolled the whole file to see what’s in the end. “well done” he said. I was happy, not because I had got compliments from my faculty but because of the trick that worked successfully. Last night, I made a plan. The plan was much simple. I thought, I have to present my file when the mood of sir is not good, it will have two benefits. Firstly- he will not check the file page by page. Secondly- he will have continuous glance over me, and if he looks at file page by page he won’t go for the detail. Another master stroke was about its presentation. If the front presentation will be good, he won’t spend his time in checking each and every page. So, I took my time to make front page impressive. Used pencil, marker, scale and different colors of ball pen. I wrote the last two pages of assignment. The middle part of the assignment consists of notes of experiments but they all belong to my last semester. In this way, I kept away from writing the whole assignments till morning. When Sam, Nicks and baccha heard my plan, they told me that I will be fucked off. But by this time I can show them, I can also win battles using my unexplored talent. I met Palak after my classes. She send me many massages but I couldn’t reply them. We both went in canteen, by this time the atmosphere for Palak was changed. Now there were no gossips about her. We sat on the corner table facing each other. I took her hand in my hands and said, “,Even if I spend the whole day with you, I miss you the second you leave.My life is useless without you, never leave me alone” and kissed her hand. She smiled and placed her hand over mine and said,”kabhi nahi”. We used to meet each other when we were in collage and play massages when she was at home. In night she used to call me to say good night. Some times she used to call me in late hours and say that she was missing me. Days went on like this. She is now in contact with her best friend Vaishnavi and her batchmates. Thanks to me…but she never said that and I don’t want her to say that. “oye Aansh ke bacche kya kr raha hai?” her sms came in. “excuse me what happened” I replied back. “apun toh aise hi bolega. Kya kr raha hai bta nhi toh aa kr kharcha paani degi” “no..please don’t do that. Actually I was searching for a girl, basically I felt that my girl friend is little bit psycho, can you please help me?” I smsed her back. I messaged her because I wanted her to feel jealous. I waited for her response. Her message didn’t came in. so I decided to throw away one more message to her inbox. “are you there? Will you please help me or should I take Google’s help?” “do whatever you want” her message came in. “but you must help me na baabu” “go to hell. I will not message you again” “thik hai, but one thing is clear. I can’t get any girl which is prettier than mine, I can’t get a girl who can love me more than mine, not even in this life but in coming hundreds of life. I love her” “love you babu” her cute message came in. I have learned different and unusual habits of girl; they are categorized under these topics…. 1) When you praises the beauty of a girl in simple and straight language, no matter what ever be the condition you will always win. 2) When you throw a sms to them with some questions (say five) they will answer the one that stands in the last. They forgets all the above four questions. 3) And the last when you compare them with something always keep in mind that compare them with the one she didn’t heard about. This will help you to put your thought in their mind. 10 days later she gave me a miss call around 10pm. She always used to give miss call. I thought it was a regular call to say good night. I called her back but there was no response. She didn’t utter a word. I called her again, but she didn’t say anything. I grew up with fear of some mishappening. I called her again and again. By this time she didn’t pick the calls. I tried calling from Sam’s cell but all went in vein. I was restless. I was packed with fear. Is she alright? If her aunty caught her cell? I just wanted to know what’s the matter is. If her aunty caught the cell atleast she can respond to calls. I didn’t slept that night. I called her 320 times.. Next morning, I went directly to her class to know what the matter was. She didn’t came that day. I asked vaish about Palak. She didn’t new anything. “do u know why she didn’t pick up the call” I said “I don’t know” she replied I told her the story. “I don’t have any idea, I will go to her house in the evening and let you know what the matter is”she said. “her phone is still on and there is no response” I said with choked voice. “I will help na, don’t take tension. Everything will be fine” she said. In evening she called me and said” aunty caught her phone, she is beaten up, was locked in a room. She was given nothing to eat and drink” “fuck man, how could her aunty do that, doesn’t she have humanity” I can’t control my words. “but she is happy, because you are with him. She was smiling and told me to give this” she said. That was a note, which she gave me next day. It was written- “I am fine babu, take care,love u and keep smiling” I was in tears, I turned around so that no one could see it. I couldn’t sleep. I was lying on the bed and changing sides. Palak was floating in my eyes and dreams; her eyes, her voice, her patent diolog, everything. Every moment spent with Palak was recorded in my million GB memory. I just have to press the play button to see those video-graphic memories. How could she can tolerate so much pain, how could see smile for me, how much she loved me, how much!!!!! She didn’t came to college for next three days. I have passed atleast 100 times infront of her house, just to see her. But couldn’t make through. Although her aunty noticed me. Finally after three days she came to college.

I went to her department to see her,meet her, she was waiting outside her department. I hold her hand took her to “zannat”. She was looking weak. Her face turned to pale yellow but her eyes continued to glitter. I crushed her into my arms. There are times when love and emotions looses all control. Sitting with her near the fall, with breezy air coming from the fall, felt awesome. We both had tears; why were we crying. We are not far away, we are together, we are holding hands but still we are crying. Sometimes tears show the affection, emotions… “I can’t live without you” she cried “I can’t even dream of, how could you bear so much pain, why could you, I can’t let you bear the pain alone” I said. “anything for you babu, you are my life and why are you worried so much sona?” she said. “you are my strength when I was weak. You are my eyes when I couldn’t see. I am everything I am because you loved me. You gave me reason to smile, your love motivates me to do better always. I cant see you in pain” I said. “I can’t stay away taking to you, I need cell” she said. “I don’t want to see you in pain again” “then better see me dying,sona. I can bear all my pain always, but I can’t resist talking to you, you are my medicine babu. Your each and every word heals my wound, you want me to stay happy na, then talk to me always, sit beside me always. I really missed your hug, I missed your touch, I missed your kisses, help me, help me baby” Her voice struck hard, I have never imagined that someone would ever come so close to me. “but why did your aunty tortured you” I said “lets not talked about that” she said and rolled her fingers down my hair. Her gentle touch, her words, her expression made my cry for her, made me laugh for her. She then took my hand in her, hold it gently and turned towards me and said, “babu may I ask you something?” “you never need any permission sweetheart” I replied. “main kbhi maar jao toh tum kya kroge?”. Her question had simply few words but those words had a great effect. I didn’t expect her to ask this question. I held her hand tight, took a deep breath and was about to say something. Sometimes words don’t come easily. Brain stops working, organs refuses brain’s order. Everything seems to scattered from you, and then if something tooks over the control over the brain and the body is the HEART. My heart began to handle the decisions making and expression making factor from the brain. I didn’t say a word, instead looked at her face and tears began to roll down my eyes. I wish I could say something but couldn’t do so. She understood. It was magical. Sometimes words are not necessary. She didn’t utter a word, but she was also crying. The question was replied through tears and was checked and marked with tears too. This is love. This is purity. This is trust... “you shouldn’t have to ask that” I said wiping off her tears. “I’m sorry soona.” She mumbled. “never do that to me again. I do not want to face that question again. I wish if I will die someday then it must before yours” “please stop talking all about that. Now I am with you, and will always be. So why don’t we enjoy being together” she said and smiled. Palak is like a magical stick for me. Her expression defines mine. I joined her too. I gave her the cell that evening , this time she was much attentive. Love Is In The Air Days passed on, the results were out, although we were passed but the score was not extraordinary. It was normal day. Palak passed with distinction. Girls are laborious, I didn’t accept that. At last I blamed her department for being so easy throughout the year. Sam went out to meet his relatives. Nicks and Baccha joined me. We were going to celebrate our result. Palak and Vaish also joined us. That was the first official meeting of our group with the girls. The word excitement or the word eagerness seemed to lose its meaning. Nicks and baccha both of them excited, even I was excited but that didn’t crosses on my face. “hi, I am Palak, Aansh girlfriend”, Vaish said with a smile on her face. She came closer to me. “hi, there” both of them whispered, and looked at me. I don’t understand what their eyes mean to me. “she is lying, she is Vaishnavi and she is Palak” I said holding Palak’s hand. I want to make them little confuse. It seemed they were tied by the situation. “what’s this Aansh? Why are you confusing both of them? Listen I’m vaishnavi and she is Palak” Palak said to them pointing out to Vaish. Baccha and nicks were surprised to see the situation. Laughter broke out between all of us. I had to tell them truth, I don’t want to enjoy our party with different tag names. We all went to Raj darbar restaurant to celebrate our result. And for celebration there was only food but no beer. What else would you expect when you are with your girlfriend? We placed our order, we were sitting round a table. I sat with Palak; Vaish was next followed by Sam and baccha. We were having some discussion, suddenly baccha pointed towards the corner table of the restaurant and said “kya woh Sam jaisa dikh raha hai?” “yes, he is Sam and who is there with him?” I said. “a girl cant you see demit” Vaish uttered. “of course, I can but who is she?” I inquired. “come on let’s check it out” nicks said. “hey wait, leave him alone. This is not fair” I said. I wanted a friendlier atmosphere, where I know everybody and everybody should know me, and moreover I want Sam to enjoy his lunch. But before I could stop him he was standing next to Sam. “hi” he said. “ hey dude you here?” Sam replied with a shocking expression. “we just came here for lunch with friends. Hope you know them” he said pointing towards us. Sam waved his hand. We waved him back. “ so lets join us, and who is this charming lady?” nicks said. “ she is Shreya” Sam said “friend” he added little more. “ hi Shreya. I am Nikhil, his friend and his roommate” he said “hello ”shreya said. “will you please join us there, if you don’t have any problem” nicks said. “hmm… we would like to” Shreya said. And now we are all together. The celebration was fun. “why did you hide all your stuffs” I said to Sam, when we returned to our room. “I wanted to give you surprise” he said. “that was nothing any sort of surprise, instead we gave you surprise” I said. “shut up man” he said. He was annoyed. “what happened” I said. He was looking wretched. Something was there. Something else. The matter was not as simple as it shows .I guessed. “none of your business” he said and left the room. After an hour he returned. He was drunken. He didn’t returned alone, he carried the bottle with him. It was royal challenge. The half of its content was empty. That simply indicates that this bastered took it down. I was happy to see the bottle because we planned for it but somehow it failed. Sam had tears in his eyes. He sat down beside me and offered me cigarette. I took it. I never say no to cigarette. “ my mother called me this morning and asked me to meet the girl, Shreya. She is doing interior designing course.

My mother wants me to marry her, and I am not prepared for it, but still she wants me to marry her.” He said. “take your time dude and try to learn Shreya. Give her time and I am sure you will fall in love with her. Try to start as a friend, how can you judge a girl in your first meeting?” I suggested. “will it work?” he said. “Definitely dude and for God’s sake change your mood and pass on the bottle to me” I said. “ its all yours” he said. I was happy because at last I was having whisky to celebrate. Sam was lost in dreams, in deep dreams. Whisky had shown its effect on him. I wanted a partner atleast to accompany me with my drinks. I can’t call nicks because he was a tanker. Tanker in the sense he can drink, upto that level where a common man gives up. I didn’t want to share half the bottle. So I thought to call baccha. The reason was quite simple, he likes to drink just because he feels it awkward not to drink in engineering college. I called baccha and locked the room as he entered. Here was the perfect atmosphere any drunker would dreamed of. Laptop on with sentimental songs, dim light, bed prepared to sleep after the program. Pack of cigarette. Lastly calling baccha for drink proved to be a good and wise decision. My belly was filled of 7/8th of half bottle of whisky and the rest was in baccha’s belly. “I think . I am in love with Vaish” baccha said, when he woke up next morning. It surprised me. The boy who sleeps with his book, wakes with his book, attend all classes, could ever love someone? Perhaps his night shot was still left with him.Then I remembered about the genes present in human body. 23 pairs of chromosome are same in male and female organism but only a single pair is different. On seeing Vaish baccha’s unpaired chromosome got activated. I guessed. “ ohh really!!!”

I looked puzzled. “yes man. Last night I dreamed of her and she said to take me with you baibhav.” “ then go and tell her” I said. “should I “ he said. “of course you should” “what if she says no” “be a man, you are not baccha anymore. Grow up, have faith in god, trust your love and trust me” I said laughingly. “ I will tell her today itself by the end of our class” he said and went away. What happened to us. Everyone was busy in making love stories (nicks was an exceptional).love was in the air. Five months earlier we all were single. See how the world changes. And the change is good. “ I am going for two days, I have to attend a seminar in delhi and to finish my projects” I messaged Palak. She instantaneously gave me a miss call. I called back. “no you are not going”, she said. “ I have to go. Its important” “no, you don’t” “please let me go” I said. I know I have to go, its important. And I didn’t need anyone’s permission. But still I want Palak should say me to go. “ok, fine. Do whatever u want.” She disconnected the call. “will you please come to station. Could you bunk your classes, make my trip. You are lucky charm for me” I smsed her. I couldn’t call her until and unless she gives me a miss call. This was because most of the times she was with her aunty. Next day she came at the station to bid me goodbye. And then she started crying. I couldn’t understand why shy was crying…she didn’t know the value of her tears. Oh god how can I make her stop crying… “my dad hate Indians, it took me a complete year to make him agree to study in India. He told me not to trust anyone. Everyone will cheat you. My father wants me to stay at my aunty’s home and study. My aunty too hates people. When she saw the call, she thrashed me, kept me hungry for 3 days. But the only thing I knew, that I trusted you more than anyone else in my life, and you are leaving me” she cried harder. What should I do, my future was there but my present and future both are here. My seminar was there but my love was here. My project was there but my life was here. I had decided. I tore down the ticket, the train went away. I was happy because she was happy. That meant a lot for me. Present Day “I have got some good news” Sam said and woke me. He was wearing a white shirt, and a kumkums on his forehead. Is there any temple in Lahore? I thought for a while. “what’s that” I asked in excitement. Although doctor didn’t permit me to sit, I sat down and looked at him. “nicks is out of danger. After 3 days in icu he made it.”Sam said. “he is brave boy, I want to see him”I said. “no, you cant see him now but within a week we can talk with him” he smiled. “thanks for everything” I said and tears roll down through my eyes. We hugged each other. We don’t know after how much time we were hugging each other. “do you inform our home back” I asked him. “no I don’t. I did not want that any of our family would ever listen that we met with a terrorist attack in Pakistan. They will never accept it, they will broke down.” He said. “I understand” “by the way some higher official came to visit us. They said that they were grateful to us and will provide free treatment to both of you. And also some medals and some military stuffs” Sam said. “whattt???” I was surprised. I just cant believe it. “and I have mailed baccha, what happened with us, he was worried, although I didn’t told him the whole fact but still I had managed to tell him something.” He said. “I think I am in love with shreya” Sam said. wow, after so many months Sam accepted her.

The day seemed to be the happiest day of my life. Four Months Earlier We were totally involved in each other. Our world seems to start with us and end on us. We were in contact every time round the clock. Baccha proposed Vaish some days ago and she accepted it!! Sam was busy talking to Shreya, they came close to each other but still they were friends. We were least concerned for our studies, because we used to give time to some other beautiful things in the world. All of us quit drinking or say we drank rarely. “Hey hottiee, get up” message blinked in my inbox. “I am awake” I smsed back, although I was sleeping. “Why didn’t you message me first” another message came in. “I messaged you but it didn’t go through, I guessed some network problem was there, anyways love you babu.” I replied. “gandi baat, juth nhi bolte” another message filled in my inbox. “honey sacch main” I replied. “meri kasam khao”(take my oath) her message came. I had to tell her truth because I cant count on her false oath. I had always fear of loosing her. So I never took her false oath. “see u in college, love you” her last message came. I wore green shirt, because that was her favorite colour. We met in the college after the lunch break, and to my surprise she wore yellow suit. Yes, yellow was my favorite colour. But my favorite colour changed to green, from the day I came to know that green was her favorite colour. She was very happy. Something must be fishy, I guessed. “ I am going to Kolkata for durga puja, lots of relatives are there”she said. “but I don’t want you to go there” I said. “why not baby what happened?” she said. “I don’t want to stay alone, I want to celebrate puja with you. How could you go sona?” I said. “my aunty wants me to go with her, I can’t do anything baby” “I didn’t attend my seminar; my projects just because of you and now you are willingly to go. It hurts sona” “It means you are showing me, what you have done for me” “noooo… why are you getting me wrong?” “I am not getting you wrong, I just told you what you meant to listen?” she said. “its not like that, you wanted me to stay back with you just because you loved me and do not want me to go apart from you. The same is here babuu. I want you here because I do not want to miss you around throughout this puja” “I am sorry sona; there is nothing to stay angry. I am helpless. No other option is left with me, I have to go” “Do whatever you want” I said. “You don’t love me. If you ever loved me you would understand the situation” she said silently. How could she say that? I didn’t love her, I didn’t understand her… I cancelled my entire seminar and projects only for her, my semester exams are screwed, I had given my study time to her. I didn’t go to restaurant alone, I quit drinking. I quit partying with my friends, just to save money, just to get both of our cell recharged. I didn’t enjoy my meal at mess but still I am doing it. Would she ever understand? “Ok go, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t call me or message me, you have to call me daily” I said. I don’t want her to feel sad or I don’t want to burden my decisions over her. My happiness stays when she is happy “I will try, love you babu sona kutta kamina sweetheart” she said. I don’t know from where girls keep on discovering new words which will keep you emotionally attached with. She used kutta kamina with the romantic word sweetheart. Two different words with two different meaning could ever make sense? But I feel that kutta kamina is also a romantic word. “bhoow bhooww” I said, trying to bark like a dog. I remember a famous diolog from Govinda’s movie, “tere pyaar main kya kya na bna meena kbhi bna kutta kbhi kamina”. She went to Kolkata, next day. I waited for her call. Meanwhile something strange happened. The day she went, Nicks asked me to come with him to market. He went to Nasa for his bike. Actually it’s a tiresome job to go to market withouts our own vehicle. He came back angrily. Something was wrong “what happen buddy?” I said to him.. “Look at that bustard; he refused to give me bike, just because he doesn’t trust my driving. I said that you are also coming with me still he was not convinced” he said irately. “Cool down dude, that’s normal. That was his bike. If he doesn’t feel comfortable how could he give? Just avoid him” I said. “No I will teach him a lesson” he said. “Leave it yaar” I said. We then hired an auto. Nicks was a nice guy. His father was a business man in Surat. He was very rich but still good at his heart. He never loses his temper. He doesn’t have an ego. He doesn’t have attitude. But some bustard take him as a grant. They teases him, they crack silly jokes on him. He doesn’t mind all that, but on that day he was on different mood. He called his dad and chatted with him in Guajarati. He was behaving normal. Was everything fine? Was he normal? We reached Ajmeri gate. “let’s watch out Palak’s house,Posted by Neha Singh on 13 Feb, 2012 10:41:50